Paul Harris Coaching

Jan 30

The power of words should never be underestimated. A simple comment, even if it was meant in jest or without much thought, can have a profound impact on our lives. When we hold onto these words, allowing them to take root in our minds, they can shape our beliefs and limit our potential. I spend som...Read more

The power of words should never be underestimated. A simple comment, even if it was meant in jest or without much thought, can have a profound impact on our lives. When we hold onto these words, allowing them to take root in our minds, they can shape our beliefs and limit our potential. I spend some of my time teaching people to drive. Understandably, pretty much everyone who gets in my car for the first time is a little nervous. To be fair, I think I'd be concerned if they weren't. One pupil was visibly worried, a previous instructor had shouted at them five years ago, and they hadn't sat behind the wheel since. That episode was always on their mind. It had turned into this big scary thing, sucking up their confidence and stopping them from moving on. The whole thing was like a roadblock, not just messing with their feelings, but costing them a load of money too. But look, the reality is that the teacher's anger wasn't the student's fault. It was the teacher's own problem. They didn't have to shout at the poor student. And most likely, the teacher probably didn't even remember what happened by the next day, but the student spent years holding onto it and making it a big deal. When you hold onto what others say and do, you start to believe things that hold you back. You take their opinions to heart and let them control how you see yourself and what you do. You basically give them control of your life, even if they don't matter anymore. Remember, no one has the power to control your thoughts and prevent you from chasing your dreams. If this does happen, you must take back your independence and tell your own story. Realising that memories and events are holding you back can help you break away from their influence. If you can relate to this struggle, know that you aren't alone. There are people who can help you navigate through the process of letting go and embracing a new mindset. Of course there'll be the "just snap out of it" brigade. You know, those super-confident people who don't seem to have a care in the world. I'm no mind reader, but I'd guess that if just snapping out of it was an option, you'd have done it yonks ago, right? Your first job has to be giving yourself ‌permission to change. No one's going to change you on your behalf. This decision sits solely with you. Once you've decided that you don't want to live with that particular monkey on your back, you can seek out a trusted friend, a mentor, or a professional who can provide guidance and support. They can help you challenge those limiting beliefs, reframe your perspective, and empower you to move forward. Remember, the power to overcome old beliefs lies within you. But you might need a hand tapping into it and breaking them down. Thankfully, my training has equipped me with a great way to reframe those old beliefs and memories. It's quite a fun and empowering exercise, and more than once, I've had clients giggling at the end of it because they felt so good for getting a new perspective. Create space for growth, self-discovery, and personal transformation. Letting go of old beliefs isn't always an easy task, but it's a necessary one. It's a journey of self-discovery and empowerment, where you reclaim your confidence and unlock your potential. So, if you find yourself held back by the weight of old memories and incidents, take that first step towards freedom. Just reach out for help and enjoy the freedom that comes with letting go of the past. Your future is waiting for you to make it your own, based on what you believe in and what you want.

Jan 16

"The only thing worse than starting something and failing... is not starting something." - Seth Godin. In this thought email, we'll delve into why a lack of confidence often hinders your ability to achieve what you truly want. Does confidence build success, or does success build confidence? Are the...Read more

"The only thing worse than starting something and failing... is not starting something." - Seth Godin. In this thought email, we'll delve into why a lack of confidence often hinders your ability to achieve what you truly want. Does confidence build success, or does success build confidence? Are these two elements mutually exclusive? And how does satisfaction fit into the equation? Picture this, you have dreams and aspirations, but a lack of confidence holds you back from pursuing them. When you doubt your abilities and fear failure, you become hesitant to take the necessary steps towards your goals. This lack of confidence becomes a roadblock, preventing you from achieving what you truly want in your career. Confidence and success aren't separate entities. they're intertwined in a powerful relationship. While confidence can be the catalyst for success, success, in turn, can bolster your confidence. Each achievement, no matter how small, fuels your confidence and propels you towards greater accomplishments. It's a positive feedback loop that empowers you to overcome challenges and reach new heights. Now, let's talk about satisfaction. That smug "didn't I do well?" feeling is more than just a fleeting moment of pride. It plays a significant role in building your confidence. When you exceed your own expectations and find fulfilment in your achievements, it boosts your confidence and motivates you to aim higher. Satisfaction acts as a driving force, encouraging you to set new goals and continue your journey of growth and success. The order in which confidence, success, and satisfaction come into play may vary for each individual. Some may find that building confidence is the first step towards success, while others may experience success as the catalyst for confidence. Similarly, satisfaction can serve as both a motivator and a result of confidence and success. The key is to recognise the interconnectedness of these elements and leverage them to create a positive cycle of growth. Takeaway 1: A lack of confidence can hinder your ability to achieve what you want in your career. Building confidence is essential for unlocking your true potential and pursuing a fulfilling professional life. Takeaway 2: Confidence and success go hand in hand. By celebrating your achievements, no matter how small, you can boost your confidence and propel yourself towards greater success. Takeaway 3: Satisfaction acts as a driving force, fuelling your confidence and motivating you to set new goals. Embrace the feeling of fulfilment in your accomplishments to continue your journey of growth and success. Conclusion: If you're feeling stuck somewhere that no longer brings you happiness, it's time to unleash your potential. Confidence, success, and satisfaction aren't elusive treasures. They are within your reach. By embracing the power of confidence, celebrating your achievements, and finding fulfilment in your accomplishments, you can create a catalyst for career transformation.

Jan 1

Have you ever experienced the déjà vu that accompanies the arrival of New Year's Day? You wake up and the world outside your window seems similar to what it was yesterday. In the UK, 35 million people will make new years resolutions for '24. 29% focus on financial goals, 25% on self-improvement, a...Read more

Have you ever experienced the déjà vu that accompanies the arrival of New Year's Day? You wake up and the world outside your window seems similar to what it was yesterday. In the UK, 35 million people will make new years resolutions for '24. 29% focus on financial goals, 25% on self-improvement, and 14% on advancing their careers. Now, consider this: 97% of Gen Z, 87% of Millennials, and 67% of Gen X join the resolution fray. Which means I am talking to YOU! Eight out of ten resolutions will crumble before January is halfway through. That isn't inspiration, is it? The problem isn't with setting goals or wanting positive change. It's with the way we approach them. The "New Year, New You" mantra has appeal, but let me challenge you to think about it from a different perspective. When you decide to set resolutions, you're making a contract with yourself. Then when you tell people what you're planning, you're also creating accountability. Makes sense, doesn't it? Well, yes, it does. Except that you can change the contract without penalty. So, you think you won't break the contract because you've told other people what you're doing. But how committed are the people you've told? For sure, some people will care about you, but it won't change their lives if you succeed or fail. Plus, some people might prefer you to fail so they don't look bad when they give up on their challenges. So - I've got a new idea for you: Make your resolutions long-term projects instead of quick fixes. Don't rely on the temporary surge of New Year's enthusiasm. Start a journey, like a motor race. You can't win on Lap 1, but you can lose. When the circuit goes green, a whole bunch of strategy, management, and preparedness swings into action. Picture yourself setting a resolution. What images, sounds, or feelings come to mind? Are they vibrant and compelling, or do they lack the resonance needed to propel you forward? Where are you when you make your resolutions? What is in the back of your mind when you do? By challenging the traditional approach, we explore if there is a disconnect between your goals' vividness and your life's reality? This gap needs to be bridged to ignite genuine motivation. Look at this as your strategy for self-improvement. Rather than zooming past resolutions at breakneck speed, engineer and challenge the details that make your goals not just desirable but achievable. My Green Light to Chequered Flag programme isn't about chasing fleeting dreams. It's about navigating the twists and turns of life with a resilient mindset. The people I have worked with have found that long-term vision and commitment is far more effective than fleeting wishes. Remember this — you're in the driving seat. The responsibility for your future lies firmly in your hands. Genuine change starts with a mindset shift. Are you ready to stop making resolutions that never come true and start making changes that are meaningful? P.S. It's a wig.

Dec 18 2023

Last week, I sat in mock GCSE exams as an invigilator for a local school. I met someone who's turned away from a career in marketing to start teacher training. Another trainee was there, who only six years ago was sitting in that very exam hall. Every now and then there were insights into students'...Read more

Last week, I sat in mock GCSE exams as an invigilator for a local school. I met someone who's turned away from a career in marketing to start teacher training. Another trainee was there, who only six years ago was sitting in that very exam hall. Every now and then there were insights into students' thoughts and their ideas about the world. On the other hand, of course, I've been met with eye-rolls from students who think I'm just another stuffed shirt telling them what to do. Probably worse than anything, I've been treated with disrespect by an adult, who should have known better. Every day we're governed by a set of rules, whether they are formal or informal. If you're in education or at work, you're expected to be in a certain place at a certain time. When you're driving somewhere, you're expected to drive within the rules of the road. Getting a train or a bus means you have to be where they'll be, when they are scheduled to be there. You have a choice, of course, whether to break those rules, but when you do break them, you have to accept that there may be consequences. Most people have the capacity and experience to understand what those consequences are. But what about the less formal, unwritten rules? Whenever you interact with someone, you make a decision about how you'll treat them. You make a choice over what impression you'll make on them and how you'll feel afterwards. The person who I felt was disrespectful towards me could have behaved differently, for sure. More importantly, though, was how I chose to react. I walked away from the situation. I wasn't going to reduce my standards to meet theirs. For all I know, they could have been under a lot of stress or their mind was elsewhere. You may say that doesn't excuse their behaviour, and I'll agree with you, but they made an impression that I won't forget. Neither will the people who witnessed it. Of course, a bad impression can be made better over time, but that takes a level of self-awareness. That was one encounter, out of countless others across the week. One negative in a sea of positivity. Listening to people saying that they've taken this career path to help make positive changes to young people's lives, was hugely uplifting. Especially when they shared their dreams and visions. While we were talking, I was immediately reminded of one of my old English teachers. I'm sure you had one in your schools, you know, the one who just "got it". The one who related to you in a way that none others did. These are the people who make a difference. They leave impressions on you that last forever. In the exam rooms, I was governed by a set of rules, which were in place to give each student the best chance to concentrate and do well. Something that took a bit of getting used to was being addressed as "Sir". I wanted to reply by saying that I don't need to be addressed that way. But that would have been wrong because school rules say that's how I should have been addressed. Maybe it was my own imposter syndrome that made me feel it was unnecessary. Certainly a part of me didn't want to be associated with the authority that I felt it conveyed. In reality, people's perceptions of me aren't influenced by what they are told to call me. I have the opportunity and ability to treat them in a way that they want and deserve to be treated. How do you want to be regarded by the people around you? Do you want to be the rude dismissive person who puts a hand in the face of someone who is trying to tell you something, or do you want to be the person who encourages people to do their own great things? We are at a time of year when, traditionally we meet a lot of people. Some may be strangers, some may be old friends, and others could be people we see regularly. Some of the people you meet, you might not take a liking to, and that's fine. You'll make fast judgements about whether this person is reliable, trustworthy, aggressive, capable, and so on. On the other hand, they'll be making the same judgements about you. Realise it or not, you start applying unconscious bias towards people. Their behaviour and appearance will trigger emotions that you've stored away from previous meetings with people who display similar characteristics. If you try to put these biases aside and meet people with an open mind, you might find that they give you something that you may have otherwise blocked out. The time you spend with someone is a learning opportunity for you. It's up to you what you choose to learn.

Dec 4 2023

In the 1970s, Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes conducted a study to understand the experience of individuals who feel inferior and how it impacts their interactions in various aspects of life. This includes work and personal relationships, as well as self-destructive behavior. Their research found th...Read more

In the 1970s, Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes conducted a study to understand the experience of individuals who feel inferior and how it impacts their interactions in various aspects of life. This includes work and personal relationships, as well as self-destructive behavior. Their research found that both men and women face similar challenges, although women are believed to be more likely to experience them. A YouGov poll in 2022 found that 47% of the UK population experiences imposter syndrome. This includes difficulty accepting compliments, downplaying achievements, and being more comfortable criticising oneself than others. Singer Ellie Goulding admits to experiencing imposter syndrome and feeling undeserving of happiness and success, which leads to self-sabotage. Despite choosing her job, she was unprepared for the ups and downs it brings. David Bowie said in 1972, "Sometimes I don't feel as if I'm a person at all. I'm just a collection of other people's ideas." Then in 1997, he admitted to Q magazine: "I had enormous self-image problems and very low self-esteem, which I hid behind obsessive writing and performing… I was driven to get through life very quickly… I really felt so utterly inadequate. I thought the work was the only thing of value." Add as many other well-known people as you like, Tom Hanks, Emma Watson, Zoe Sugg, Lady Gaga, Albert Einstein — oh, and Kim Kardashian! Imagine yourself being asked to give a presentation to a large audience with a tight deadline. It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed and regretful for agreeing to take on this task. The resulting stress and anxiety may lead to sleepless nights, as you worry about how well you'll perform. While waiting backstage, you may experience sweaty palms and the terrifying thought that you might stumble over your words or sound ridiculous. These mental and emotional states can make you want to just run away and hide. What if you're going to a job interview and you've aced the online application process? You've had some email chats with HR and a phone call with the hiring manager, but you're still feeling sick to your stomach and want to cancel? Even worse, you're halfway through the interview and you start to get that cold, tingly feeling down your spine telling you you're not good enough for the job? Deep inside our brains, there lives an Inner Critic that's still stuck in the Stone Age. It's still convinced that interviewers and audiences are bears out to get us, even though we've long left the caves behind. But it's not all bad! At least it stops us from doing something really silly or reckless. So, let's give it a pat on the back and acknowledge those feelings. Once you admit them, we can address and overcome them — no running away necessary! Acknowledge your feelings of self-doubt and use them as motivation to improve. Developing resilience and techniques to help you remain composed in pressured situations can be incredibly beneficial. Take the pressure off yourself by embracing your Inner Leader. Doing this will enable you to remain objective and take criticism constructively. Additionally, it'll help you to open up to others. Please remember this: You aren't your thoughts. You're the person having the thoughts. This means that you can choose the appropriate reaction for any thought you have. If you want to know more about how you can silence your Inner Critic and beat your own Imposter Syndrome, I'd love to have a chat with you. All you have to do is respond to this message with details of how I can get in touch with you, and I'll do the rest.